I’ve realised I’ve spent the past 7 years going through a constant stream of crap.
At the moment, the crap isn’t too bad, but it’s so relentless that it really really gets on top of me… Rant continued below. I know it’s tedious but I need to let it all out.
Firstly, there was the drama of Mum/Dad divorcing, Dad being an alcoholic, messy divorce.
I overcame that, aced my GCSE’s
Secondly, there was the psycho girlfriend of Dads, who came round after school, used to scream and go mental at me and my brother while my Dad stood and watched. This at the same time I started a new school. Then my grandad died, and I couldn’t attend his funeral because Dad wanted the psycho girlfriend there over me and my brother.
I overcame that.
Thirdly, there was us losing our home, and not having a house during my AS Levels. All because Dad was greedy and wanted a shit load of money.
I overcame that, and did well in my AS Levels and A-levels, got into Uni, had a well paid job alongside it.
Fourthly, my Lupus struck. Had to quit my job, was completely alone at Uni, minus Fletch who was there for me when I was stuck in bed 3 or 4 days at a time. This led to my first year of Uni being shit and in the end I was depressed, had no friends and a chronic illness.
I overcame that, learnt to cope with my illness, got on some very good medication, stuck at my degree course, went to RockSoc and met awesome friends.
Fifthly, Dad died. Along with it being sort of out the blue, it was pretty grim, he died of Cirrohsis, which was hardly a surprise. He’d basically commited a very slow suicide. To top it, I got landed with a £2500 funeral bill and my Dad’s side blamed me, Leon and my mum for his death. Which was pointed out to me in a letter explaining exactly why it was our fault, which I got on my 21st birthday. The threat from bailiffs to pay for the funeral arrived Xmas eve.
I overcame that, paid the funeral off, cut off all ties with the family, listened to myself and realised it was obvious I didn’t cause Dad’s death.
After all this, I’ve worked REALLY hard to achieve. Regardless of all the crap, I have a degree from a good University. I’m studying for a Masters degree, and above this I also have a job where I work my arse off, even though it kills me because of my lupus and fatigue.
Yet STILL I get shit. I had some fraud done on me, which means I’m £300 worse off, e.g. my whole first months wages are redundant. Then tonight I get more crap about being summoned to court with Council Tax arrears, which may I add, I have paid, but don’t seem to have shown up.
I know this is probably tedious, but I hate the fact that no matter how hard I work, how much I don’t give up and how much I try to not let stuff get to me, I always end up dealing with something. I’m so fed up of being stressed and miserable about things which aren’t my fault.
I just hope they eventually get sorted out, and I can be truly happy. Because at the moment, I try to stay positive, try to stay working hard, try to look forward to the future, but I can’t because I’m so sure something will go wrong :(
I realise I have it quite good, I have good friends, a perfect boyfriend, the opportunity to have a good future, but I also fear it will always be like this :(
